I believe you're right about that much...that the debt was forgiven but not erased from his mind.
...perhaps. It depends on whether Father still thinks Cassian could be useful. [Though, knowing how Cassian is going to react to all this, he doubts that that's happening.]
I am just meeting him at the Turnabout. I do not think there is anything you need to worry about protecting me from. [Minus the dependency and psychological issues]
[Sob at least that would get him to pay attention]
[He pauses, trying to think, trying to explain, but he's always been terrible at showing people that he belongs to Delilah, that that is what he is and always will be.]
You must know by now that I am meant to do what he asks. It's what I am made for.
No, you're not. You aren't made to do anything that man wants.
...You can't, seriously, expect I'm just going to step aside and let you go back to him. I'm not going to stand by and watch him ruin your happiness. Things aren't going to go the way they did before.
[Especially not since he's in this body that can actually do something.]
[And as your tone grows cold, his gets heated and clearly hurt.]
Oh, I don't, do I? Then, what, you're just going to shut me out again? Are you going to make me watch and be able to do nothing to help you while he kills you with his influence?!
You might as well be sending me back to Rido, cause there's no difference that I can see.
You are going to say that I am shutting you out, letting myself be killed when you have already done exactly that yourself? Refusing, all the while, to let me find you so that all I could do was hope for a change in fortunes?
I was trying to protect you. That's all I've been trying to do and it's what I'm trying to do now. There was a redeemable side to Rido, there's no such thing for him.
He killed you. [And Lord, if this were in person, you might hear the crack in his voice at that, the point that Jezebel can't ever forget.] Whatever my father is or does, I am alive still while you are not. You don't even have an arm -- I didn't ask you for any of this! I don't want you to protect me this way!
[The fire suddenly freezes and it's his turn to have ice in his voice.]
You don't understand. For me, back home, you are dead. His influence killed you and there was nothing I could do but watch. I can't let that happen again, I-
[Voice failing, he pauses a moment and when he speaks again, there's sadness in his words.]
There is no other way to protect you...I don't know how, but I can't stop trying.
[After Cassian's already disappeared twice since his arrival, Jezebel doesn't want to send him away (and killing him is out of the question), but he also knows Cassian will try to interfere otherwise. And things will go very, very badly if Alexis notices.]
Cassian. This is not something you can decide for me. You cannot force me to do what you wish, or to stand by while you hurt yourself trying to protect me.
[Cassian bursts through the door, having been on the move the entire time. As he walks into the room, shutting the door behind him, he turns off the device and fixes his stare on the doctor.]
And you can't expect me to do nothing. I can't do nothing.
[Jezebel looks at him for a moment, partly surprised by his sudden arrival -- though, knowing Cassian, he really should have expected it. His expression is partly frustrated, partly melancholy, but also tired.]
Cassian. You are not my master. You cannot control what I do or do not do.
[When he speaks, it's with a sigh, though he doesn't let any of his determination leave. He doesn't want to argue, but he can't stay silent either.]
I know I'm not. No one is. That's what I'm trying to tell you; you were fine before he showed up. He's not your master either, he shouldn't control you with a snap of his fingers.
[He steps closer, ignoring the concept of personal space.]
I'm not going anywhere. Just like before, I'll stay your shadow, but I can't stay silent.
[Jezebel just...looks at him, not stepping away, not seeming awkward in the least at how close Cassian is. After a moment's reflection, he says in a voice that could almost be described as affectionate:]
I don't know if I've ever said, exactly, how much I appreciate your loyalty. [He smiles, but there's some bitterness in it as he adds:] But I have my loyalties to keep as well.
[He'd had enough of the arguing. There wasn't going to be an answer to this right now. He'd have to compromise the best he could until he could find another way.
Carefully, but without hesitation, he eliminated the space between them, pulling the doctor into as tight of an embrace as one could manage with only one arm.]
Then I'm going with you. If you won't leave Delilah then neither will I.....where you go, I go.
[Jezebel did not expect the sudden embrace, was unused to affectionate physical contact. There was a second or two where he was silent simply from surprise, but he could not deny that the gesture was warm, comforting. He leaned into the embrace, shutting his eyes for a moment.]
I am glad for that. [His voice was quiet, sincere.] I want you by my side. [As his assistant or as something else, he would not say.]
Good. [Jezebel did not move away, letting himself linger. Cassian was warm. Warm and reassuring, and Jezebel did not wish to separate himself quite yet, not when it felt like the events of the day had left everything reeling with turmoil.]
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timeasmymeasure
(Private)
Date: 2011-10-09 10:42 pm (UTC)(OOC - doesn't know Cass is back with Jez)
(Private)
Date: 2011-10-09 10:45 pm (UTC)Did you speak with him?
Re: (Private)
Date: 2011-10-09 11:07 pm (UTC)(Private)
Date: 2011-10-09 11:22 pm (UTC)Re: (Private)
Date: 2011-10-09 11:54 pm (UTC)(Private)
Date: 2011-10-10 12:03 am (UTC)Re: (Private)1/2
Date: 2011-10-10 12:12 am (UTC)Re: (Private)2/2
Date: 2011-10-10 12:13 am (UTC)(Private)
Date: 2011-10-10 12:14 am (UTC)Re: (Private)
Date: 2011-10-10 12:37 am (UTC)If Father Dearest learns any of this, Kuran may very well gain an ally.
(Private)
Date: 2011-10-10 02:31 am (UTC)...perhaps. It depends on whether Father still thinks Cassian could be useful. [Though, knowing how Cassian is going to react to all this, he doubts that that's happening.]
Re: (Private)
Date: 2011-10-10 02:55 am (UTC)Allies plus the map I gave the both of you - which hopefully Cassian never shared with Kuran - got an edge on your father.
(Private)
Date: 2011-10-10 03:17 am (UTC)...you assume I am looking for an edge over him. [Abuse and dependency issues gogogogogogo!]
Re: (Private)
Date: 2011-10-10 03:29 am (UTC)[NOT responding to the second part. Will be talking to Cassian later about it.]
no subject
Date: 2011-10-09 10:46 pm (UTC)Stay away from him. Don't talk to him, Doctor.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-09 11:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:06 am (UTC)[Yeah, he's angry, mostly because he knows Jezebel will ignore him.]
I saw your plans with him...are you actually going?
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:08 am (UTC)Of course. Why else would I make plans I had no intention of keeping?
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:11 am (UTC)Then I'm going with you. I don't trust this and you better not as well.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:19 am (UTC)...I'm just trying to keep you safe.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:27 am (UTC)[Don't make him admit feelings just to get you to listen.]
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:30 am (UTC)[Sob at least that would get him to pay attention]
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:33 am (UTC)[Keep it up and he just might.]
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:36 am (UTC)[Sob oh Cassian. Sorry your not!husband is pretty much brainwashed]
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:42 am (UTC)Don't you get it?! If you go with him then that's as good as guaranteeing your death, he'll just use you till you're no longer useful!
I won't lose you again....I can't.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:48 am (UTC)[He pauses, trying to think, trying to explain, but he's always been terrible at showing people that he belongs to Delilah, that that is what he is and always will be.]
You must know by now that I am meant to do what he asks. It's what I am made for.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:55 am (UTC)...You can't, seriously, expect I'm just going to step aside and let you go back to him. I'm not going to stand by and watch him ruin your happiness. Things aren't going to go the way they did before.
[Especially not since he's in this body that can actually do something.]
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 03:59 am (UTC)You don't have a say in the matter, Cassian. [His voice grows cold at that. He doesn't like to be told what to do, not even by you, Cassian.]
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 04:17 am (UTC)Oh, I don't, do I? Then, what, you're just going to shut me out again? Are you going to make me watch and be able to do nothing to help you while he kills you with his influence?!
You might as well be sending me back to Rido, cause there's no difference that I can see.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 04:23 am (UTC)You are going to say that I am shutting you out, letting myself be killed when you have already done exactly that yourself? Refusing, all the while, to let me find you so that all I could do was hope for a change in fortunes?
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 04:32 am (UTC)I was trying to protect you. That's all I've been trying to do and it's what I'm trying to do now. There was a redeemable side to Rido, there's no such thing for him.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 04:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 04:43 am (UTC)You don't understand. For me, back home, you are dead. His influence killed you and there was nothing I could do but watch. I can't let that happen again, I-
[Voice failing, he pauses a moment and when he speaks again, there's sadness in his words.]
There is no other way to protect you...I don't know how, but I can't stop trying.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 04:55 am (UTC)And what if I do not want you to protect me, knowing what you'll do? What if I am willing to bear whatever consequences I bring about?
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 10:58 pm (UTC)[His tone is sad, but completely serious.]
I won't let you face all of this alone.
no subject
Date: 2011-10-10 11:12 pm (UTC)Cassian. This is not something you can decide for me. You cannot force me to do what you wish, or to stand by while you hurt yourself trying to protect me.
Oh, hai, action~
Date: 2011-10-12 04:57 am (UTC)And you can't expect me to do nothing. I can't do nothing.
Action!
Date: 2011-10-12 12:58 pm (UTC)Cassian. You are not my master. You cannot control what I do or do not do.
Action!
Date: 2011-10-15 07:33 am (UTC)I know I'm not. No one is. That's what I'm trying to tell you; you were fine before he showed up. He's not your master either, he shouldn't control you with a snap of his fingers.
[He steps closer, ignoring the concept of personal space.]
I'm not going anywhere. Just like before, I'll stay your shadow, but I can't stay silent.
Action!
Date: 2011-10-16 04:10 am (UTC)I don't know if I've ever said, exactly, how much I appreciate your loyalty. [He smiles, but there's some bitterness in it as he adds:] But I have my loyalties to keep as well.
Action!
Date: 2011-10-17 04:48 am (UTC)Carefully, but without hesitation, he eliminated the space between them, pulling the doctor into as tight of an embrace as one could manage with only one arm.]
Then I'm going with you. If you won't leave Delilah then neither will I.....where you go, I go.
Action!
Date: 2011-10-18 01:25 am (UTC)I am glad for that. [His voice was quiet, sincere.] I want you by my side. [As his assistant or as something else, he would not say.]
Action!
Date: 2011-10-20 06:35 am (UTC)Then that's where I'll stay, as long as you want me there.
Action!
Date: 2011-10-20 01:04 pm (UTC)...thank you.
[priavte voice]
Date: 2011-10-13 07:14 pm (UTC)[private voice]
Date: 2011-10-18 01:18 am (UTC)